Some times I wish that I could take all of my days, and just draw them out. I desperatly want to go back to the time when all I had to do was plan a day of fun for me and my little ones. Now I have to worry about what they are watching, saying, doing, and being while I am gone 10 hrs a day.
Change is good, growing is good, I just can't say getting older is so good! I am so proud of James, he's super smart, vibrant, sassy, confident, and on most days well adjusted. It's just those few days where he isn't all of those things, those days wear me thin.
Madilyne, boy she is shooting up like a weed and with that comes all the attitude a princess would have. I can see she is flourishing, soaking up all life is bringing to her. And suddenly my baby isn't so much a baby any more...
I am getting ready to start another busy busy school year. Though this year is going to be much more difficult. School starts on the 13th, it has just dawned on me that I have a 7 year old doing the school work of a 9-10 year old. How did I get kids that are so smart. Madilyne is excited about math, reading and writing. I have a feeling she is going to be reading before Kindergarden officially starts...This school year though brings new challenges, I am working a 4day work week now, so I'm gone 10 hrs a day, I am still trying to figure out how that is going to work, but some how it just has to. The other challenge is the love of my life is going to be gone for the school year.
I will for the first time since I was 19, not have the love of my life with me, I've not gone a day without him for nearly 9 years. My partner, the father of my kids, the one who is always there to back me up. He has made the decision to go into the Army reserves, which for that I am super proud of him, he will get schooling, training, and then there is the crazy notion of being prepared to protect our country....
We are buying our first house, that's exciting, but also I'll spend nearly a year in it without Brian. I am not sure the effect it will have on our family dynamic, but it's a much needed change. Without this, we would be stuck with me working outside the home forever. This is not a desire of ours. I never aspired to be a career woman, I always only wanted to be the best wife and Mom I could be.
Brian will be able to get the education he needs inorder to make changes in his career to support our family on just his income. It's been a long time coming, but a change that is going to bring many many challenges before everything is better. That makes me scared...
Just another night of my random thoughts, I don't always keep everything well defined, but it helps me feel better, so if you made any sense of my blathering..thanks for reading!
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