I hold this in most of the time. Today I just don't feel like it, so today I will blog about it.
From dictionary.com- Family (n)
1.a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not: the traditional family.
2.a social unit consisting of one or more adults together with the children they care for: a single-parent family.
3.the children of one person or one couple collectively: We want a large family.
4.the spouse and children of one person: We're taking the family on vacation next week.
5.any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins: to marry into a socially prominent family.
6.all those persons considered as descendants of a common progenitor.
I don't know what causes one to deepen or change what the dictionary meaning of a word is. I don't know why I had invested such meaning into the word, but I just did.
What I thought Family meant:
Family was a group of related beings(brothers, sisters, mom, dad, aunts, uncles,and cousins) that were there and reliable, loving, caring, and if you could count on no one else, you could count on your family.
What I have come to find it can mean:
People who don't talk to one another unless they need or want something. Back biting and trashing of those who aren't there to defend themselves. Judgmental pow-wow's about what they think someone is going through. Hurtful comments made to one member about another. Showing more care for unrelated people then your own family.
But I also know that family doesn't have to be related. Some of the most amazing "family" I can count on are not related to me by blood AT ALL. It can mean people who care about you even though you are separated by many miles and only can connect via internet and phone, A home and visiting teacher who were once assigned to care that turn into ones who genuinely care and you can turn to for anything, A "friend" who you've met online and never in person but they are the first to ask what they can do to help.
When I got sick, I never thought that it would be those friends who are family checking on me, caring for me, caring about my kids and husband. I never thought that my own flesh and blood family wouldn't do those things. I never thought I'd meet such opposition or distrust or judgmental attitudes from them either. I struggle daily. I know I am not perfect, I know I have faults. But I also know that I have feelings that are hurt because instead of talking to me I have family who talks amongst themselves to decide how bad off I am. Instead of trying to understand what's happening with me, they compare me to every "other person with MS they know".
MS effects each person differently, it can damaged any one of the many nerves in your body to any degree. There is no typical or standard. I wish I could be like one of those every other people with MS that it doesn't grossly effect their lives. But up until I was diagnosed, I only knew one person with MS, and I am so beyond grateful that my MS isn't to that extent.
I pray that with time it will get better. I pray that the nerve damage heals more, that I learn to cope with my disabilities better. I pray that I get to feel the way I did before. I pray that I have good days and that I will remember to be thankful for them. I pray that I can learn to forgive those who have hurt me, as well that those who I have hurt will forgive me. I am thankful for those friends who have become family to me in the way I'd expect family to be. I am thankful for my real family too, I just wish that I things could be different. Maybe in time this too shall pass but until then, I hurt, and some of that hurt is deeper then others.
The emotional hurt sometimes is worse then the physical.