I am pretty sure no one reads these posts, but for me they make me feel better. They make me feel like I've accomplished something and am trying to share with someone....whoever that may be.
I have dreamed my whole life of being a mom, I never was quite sure that it would happen. I am thrilled I've been entrusted with these three beautiful souls. They make my heart go flippy flop every time I see them.
I always want to do right by them. I feel like a failure if I don't do everything exactly right...even though I know reality is that I can't do EVERY thing right. My current case in point..
Ansel will be 4wks old tomorrow, my how time flies. Everyone knows breast is best right?? At least that's what the current stigmata is..and in most cases this is true. The benefits are huge, that is...unless they aren't!
Ansel is the only one to have actually done well with the latching and the nursing and everything. His diaper output indicated we were doing everything right and all was well. Except this sinking feeling that it wasn't well. I always had in the back of my mind that something wasn't going right, I was in tears talking to the lactation consultant, desperately pleading for breastfeeding to work out. I have no idea what exactly it is but for us exclusivly breastfeeding isn't going to work. My milk has not nourished Ansel like it should have, my sweet little boy as much as he nursed only gained 6oz in 3weeks. Didn't even meet back his birht weight by three weeks when the norm is by two.
The Dr who we love and adore for my kids basically told me how it was, no sugar coating which I love about him. He said we gave it a try but it's time to turn over and see if formula will do what my milk should be doing...so last week we changed to me pumping and storing and Ansel getting at least 2oz of formula every two hours. He is now up to 3 or 4oz of formula every 2-3 hrs..little piggy! I am happy to report that in 8 days he's gained 18oz..in a little over a week he trippled his gain from what he had in the three weeks of exclusively nursing. so here is what I've learned
1. Breast is NOT always best
2. I am not a bad mom for giving him formula
3. Formula for sure will not make him dumb or kill him (this I already knew because James and Madilyne were formula fed...yet some how I let that stigmata passed through society eek into my head and warp the things I knew)
4. I am doing my best to keep my kids healthy and happy, and while I may not always meet the mark, I am always trying and that's what counts.
5. God entrusted these special souls to Brian and I for a reason...and we will do everything we can to help them on their road of life.
I am going to choose a word to keep me going this year, the inspriation comes from my online friend Anya, she is very eloquent in her writing I think, she inspires me and makes me want to do better writing on my end...her word was Peace, and for her I can see how that word is perfect...so my word for this year is going to be
I choose this word because it's really hard for me to just accept things some times. I know that life isn't always perfect or candy coated, and as much as I want to be able to change everything , I think I need to sometimes just accept them and learn how to be resiliant and bounce back. To the new year, and hoping that everything changes for the better for us this year