My heart longs for one more...

As miserable as my pregnancy was, and how thrilled I was to actually finally have Ansel..I long for one more. Madilyne wants a sister =o)

I have some small recolection of the Dr coming in during recovery and telling me I shouldn't have any more. I am waiting for my appointment on tuesday in order to get a clear picture of what is going on inside...I know that there is another soul waiting to come to our family. I just don't know how this one will come.

Ansel was a surprise, we were preparing ourselves for adoption. We were hoping to start this year on that journey. Things certainly changed really quick and fast for us =o)

Now I'm enjoying every bit of Ansel, he's still in the cute snuggly baby phase, then we'll enjoy the cute baby on the move phase and all that jazz..I'm not rushing for him to grow up by any means. It's just the finality of the thought that the Dr said I shouldn't have any more.

So until tuesday I'll have to sit and wonder how the last one will make it's presence into our family..

Another post...shocker!

I am pretty sure no one reads these posts, but for me they make me feel better. They make me feel like I've accomplished something and am trying to share with someone....whoever that may be.

I have dreamed my whole life of being a mom, I never was quite sure that it would happen. I am thrilled I've been entrusted with these three beautiful souls. They make my heart go flippy flop every time I see them.

I always want to do right by them. I feel like a failure if I don't do everything exactly right...even though I know reality is that I can't do EVERY thing right. My current case in point..

Ansel will be 4wks old tomorrow, my how time flies. Everyone knows breast is best right?? At least that's what the current stigmata is..and in most cases this is true. The benefits are huge, that is...unless they aren't!

Ansel is the only one to have actually done well with the latching and the nursing and everything. His diaper output indicated we were doing everything right and all was well. Except this sinking feeling that it wasn't well. I always had in the back of my mind that something wasn't going right, I was in tears talking to the lactation consultant, desperately pleading for breastfeeding to work out. I have no idea what exactly it is but for us exclusivly breastfeeding isn't going to work. My milk has not nourished Ansel like it should have, my sweet little boy as much as he nursed only gained 6oz in 3weeks. Didn't even meet back his birht weight by three weeks when the norm is by two.

The Dr who we love and adore for my kids basically told me how it was, no sugar coating which I love about him. He said we gave it a try but it's time to turn over and see if formula will do what my milk should be doing...so last week we changed to me pumping and storing and Ansel getting at least 2oz of formula every two hours. He is now up to 3 or 4oz of formula every 2-3 hrs..little piggy! I am happy to report that in 8 days he's gained 18oz..in a little over a week he trippled his gain from what he had in the three weeks of exclusively nursing. so here is what I've learned

1. Breast is NOT always best
2. I am not a bad mom for giving him formula
3. Formula for sure will not make him dumb or kill him (this I already knew because James and Madilyne were formula fed...yet some how I let that stigmata passed through society eek into my head and warp the things I knew)
4. I am doing my best to keep my kids healthy and happy, and while I may not always meet the mark, I am always trying and that's what counts.
5. God entrusted these special souls to Brian and I for a reason...and we will do everything we can to help them on their road of life.

I am going to choose a word to keep me going this year, the  inspriation comes from my online friend Anya, she is very eloquent in her writing I think, she inspires me and makes me want to do better writing on my end...her word was Peace, and for her I can see how that word is perfect...so my word for this year is going to be

Resilience


I choose this word because it's really hard for me to just accept things some times. I know that life isn't always perfect or candy coated, and as much as I want to be able to change everything , I think I need to sometimes just accept them and learn how to be resiliant and bounce back.  To the new year, and hoping that everything changes for the better for us this year

Ansel is here =o)

So I'm a little slow at updating but here is my update none the less...

Ansel Griffin Humecky
December 11, 2009
10:49pm 7lb 6oz

He's handsome as all get out and a fantastic baby. His brother and sister love him to pieces.

When we came home Madilyne was sick...when we went to the Dr we found out it was the flu.
Luckily she was soo good at wearing her mask that no one else got it.

We are so excited to have these wonderful blessings entrusted to us.

Ansel had his first photo shoot wegot some decent pics...